Dealing with Anger - 1/2

Let’s face it. We all get angry at times. Some $@*%^$! cuts us off while driving. A staff member or partner rips you off. You get burnt because of someone else’s fire. Some things make you see red - don’t they?

Stuff that makes my blood boil is like when the Rainbow Warrier happens. What total arrogance. The French quite rightly cop our indignation - mine was bordering on rage, especially when they played political games and passed the blame upward, sideways and out, to a paradise Island. Yup that triggered one unholy reaction in me that still seethes away every time I hear the words France or French.

We all know what it can do to us but dealing with anger is not as simple as saying just don’t get angry. It doesn’t work like that.

While attending counseling some years ago, the guy teaching me drew a picture. I’m a visual learner, and so he connected with me really well when he did that. The picture was of an underground oil reserve (representing a whole lot of “stuff” in our lives). When an oil miner tapped into the reserve, the massive pressure on the oil shot the oil high into the air. This drilling action was the equivalent of opening up emotional connections that let out the deeper stuff within.

It seems that when we get involved with people - in business or otherwise - we open up these pipelines to the soul. If there’s a lot bottled up it can come rushing out in a hurry and cause a bit of grief. Anger can often be one of the manifestations of this opening up process.

When it’s our anger triggered we kick the cat. Anything in the way cops our wrath. Sometimes we spare the poor kitty and we let those closest to us have it - our wife, kids or friends. That’s naughty but understandable, because the anger has control of us.

Another picture of this anger is the rifle. We all hold a gun. The trigger is not the trouble, nor is it the thing that actually kills us. It’s only the bullets that do the damage. If a Frenchman comes into my office and tries to sell me something, he’s very likely to “cop it” from me whether or not he’s even heard of the Rainbow Warrior. He’s the trigger for my anger. My words and actions however, when I kick him out of my office with a flea in his ear, are the real things that do the damage.

Likewise the well driller does a dangerous job, because he cops the end result of opening the well. Sure, he wants the oil but he has to handle the gush and can get hurt badly in the process, if he’s not careful.

My theory is that while we can learn to deal with our issues more constructively as we grow up, there will always be trouble in them thar hills wells. If that’s the case, then, there’s no point in telling anyone “Don’t get angry”. It’s better to tell them how to deal with anger constructively.

I used to think that people with bullets, or big wells of stuff inside them were losers, and needed to grow up. I still do, but only because I recognize now that I’m in the same boat. I’ve come to see that we are all like that actually, with stuff inside, just waiting to come out someday, when it is triggered. While I may get all worked up over the Rainbow Warrior thing, others get wound up about things in their own life, even with God (ouch!).

He actually has something to say about anger, pretty much along the same lines as I’ve just talked about, actually. In a letter to his converts, Paul slips in some wise advice:

Be angry, and do not sin
Ephesians 4:26

OK, so he recognizes that we’re all going to get angry, but then says be responsible for what you do and say, when it happens. That’s really just taking control, and taking responsibility.

The funny thing is that when we do that the original anger diffuses, and just seems to dissipate. Weird - but just the way things are none-the-less.

Accepting our anger and taking control of it is the VICTUS IN AMBITUS way.